


Leafy, Leader of the Reptilian Brotherhood

by MiddleNameIgnominy



Category: LeafyIsHere - Fandom
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-28 10:15:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7636288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiddleNameIgnominy/pseuds/MiddleNameIgnominy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leafy's backstory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Origins

**Author's Note:**

> I re-uploaded this from my Quotev, so don't lose your shit if you see it there. If you see it anywhere else, though, lose your shit.

During the Ice Age in which hominids roamed about the Earth, a young lizard named Calvin was about to embark on a journey on a distant planet named Bovis Stercore.  
The boy had been walking home from school when he noticed an inexplicably placed stack of paper in a dark alley. He approached it. Upon closer inspection, he saw that it was porn. "It's not like anyone's gonna see" he assured himself as he flipped through the pages. He thought nothing of most of the pages he saw until one caught his eye because it appeared to have something scribbled on it. "REACH BOVIS STERCORE'S HIGHEST PEAK, AND YOU SHALL FIND YOUR TREASURE", it read. "I guess I don't have anything better to do" he thought, realizing that the highest point in Bovis Stercore, Mt. Dew, wasn't too far away. Fair enough. He casually walked out the alley and down the street.  
His walk was fairly normal until he heard a voice shout "Hey, Leafy! Leafy! Hey, Leafy, hey!" He didn't respond because he figured that the voice wasn't talking to him since his name wasn't Leafy, but it kept calling, and he eventually looked around and saw that the voice was coming from a Malteser on the ground.  
"Why are you calling me 'Leafy'?"  
"You smell like a leaf!"  
"...Uh, thanks?"  
"It wasn't a compliment, you damn leaf!"  
"What makes it an insult?"  
"Leaves are weak when they're dead!"  
"No shit, Sherlock."  
"So you admit it!"  
"...Sure???"  
"I WIN! HIJIORU93HR5234IO;TYCB GQ378H4TUYBGFNKLSFN45HBGNHJXHJUSWFBNVU4!" The Malteser then laughed so hard that he corkscrew-spun to space. He continued on.  
He arrived at the mountain and even got half way up before he decided to take a break. During said break, he was approached by an Indian tech support guy (the guy never said anything about tech support, but Calvin could just tell (not because he was Indian or anything (you fucking racist))). The man invited Calvin in his suspiciously placed log cabin, where they played video games and had a good time. At some point, the man excused himself from the room and came back 2 minutes later with a glass of water which he promptly handed to Calvin. Right as Calvin was about to drink it, he noticed that it wasn't actually water but was, in fact, a glass of rape. He threw it as far away from himself as he could, accidentally hitting the man in the temple and knocking him out cold. He awkwardly left and continued his journey up the mountain.  
The pride he felt when he reached the top of Mt. Dew and saw a cardboard box with the word 'treasure' written on it was overwhelming. He opened the box, and out came a genie. But not just any genie- it was the Akinator. The Akinator explained that since he had found the treasure, he was to be given the position of Reptilian Overlord, which of course came with ultimate power. The only thing left to do before he was to receive such a gift was to say his name. Without thinking, he said it was Leafy. He died a little on the inside at the thought that everyone would call him that for the rest of forever. It is, however, a small price to pay for ultimate power. "Well, shit. This is pretty fucking dope." were his last words as a normal lizard.


	2. Exile

Leafy had gained ultimate power. He did great things with said power- he singlehandedly ended world hunger, oppression, and cancer (literal and metaphorical forms). He was on top of the world.  
One day, he decided, "fuck it, I'm gonna take a walk to a place I've never been to before and know nothing about because why not" and ventured out into the wilderness. He eventually came across a field of vegetables, but not just any vegetable-rapeseed. He submerged himself into the rapeseed, took a selfie, and posted it to a nondescript, totally-not-the-equivalent-of-twitter website, with the caption "I'm being raped.".  
Right as he posted it, a feminist materialized behind him, suplexed him, stood him back up, and 360 noscoped him to Earth.  
Thus, his time on his home planet had come to an abrupt end.


End file.
